The words came back to him like a sharp knife. They
cut open his chest, drowning him in guilt. He drew a
quick breath and unconsciously clutched at the front
of his shirt. It had been so long since anything had
been able to do that…
He ran a hand through his thick, black hair and
reached for the glass bottle that sat dangerously
close to the edge of the dusty table. Lifting it to his
lips, he took a long drink of the clear, lukewarm
liquid, letting it slide slowly and comfortingly
down his throat. He already knew from experience
that the drink was strong enough to drown his
consciousness. Maybe this time, if he were lucky, it
could also erase that throbbing pain brought on by
her desperate tears and accusations. He hoped so.
In fact, he had never wanted anything so badly in all
his twenty-seven years.
He finished the bottle silently, but it didn’t take
away the pain. Pushing back his chair, he strode
over to the cupboard near the sink. He needed
more. His hand grasped the next bottle; the cap
rolled across the floor. He even raised it to his
mouth, but for several seconds not a drop touched
his tongue. His mouth felt dry and his fingers
itched to tip the bottle forward, but he surprised
himself and set the bottle down.
It had been this devil-drink that had been the source
of so many lies he had indifferently handed Jade
these past months. It was the gang, too, but the gang
was always intertwined with the drink. How could
he expect it to erase the pain it had caused? With a
groan, he viciously knocked the bottle to the ground
slamming the door behind him. The street was
utterly silent, just as it always was at this hour, right
before dark. People were all inside their houses in
front of their televisions. He usually was, too, but
not tonight. How could he stare at a screen when he
knew that Jade was somewhere crying, attempting to
mend the heart that he had so cruelly broken?
He strode quickly down the sidewalk. He had no
destination in mind. Even if he had, it was unlikely
that he would have made it there. With that
throbbing pain in his chest and Jade’s words on
repeat in his head, he was almost unconscious of
what was going on around him. After a while, the
pain became unbearable and a wave of dizziness
swept over him like a smothering blanket. He
paused, resting his head against a building.
The dizziness passed, but the pain was obdurate.
Nick glanced up, absently wondering where he was.
The place seemed vaguely familiar. There was a
cross on the top, so it must be a church. Something
prodded him to go inside, but he suppressed the idea
with a sneer. The last thing he needed right then was
some overzealous, sympathetic clergyman telling
him how evil drunkenness was and how he should
avoid temptation and bad companions. More likely
than not he would tell him to read some verse in
the Bible and ask God to forgive him. Ha, that was
amusing. God – even if He existed – wouldn’t forgive
him. Not Nick Arsen.
He stumbled on, but the church had jarred his
memory and a woman’s voice broke through his
thoughts. He caught his breath. It was Jade’s
voice, but it wasn’t the accusing words he had
7
